Reel-View Ratings: The Bigger The Beard, The Better The Movie

PREM RATAN DHAN PAYO

You’ve seen this movie before: A not-so-nice rich man needs a body double, so he finds a poor-but-virtuous chap to stand in for him. Cue hijinks, mistaken identities, love affairs and life lessons by the ton. And while this film is certainly visually lush and splendid at every moment (and everyone is so, so unspeakably beautiful, particularly its female lead, Sonam Kapoor), it’s also intensely preoccupied with morals, purity and familial piety, to the point where everything just becomes absurdly predictable. No hero ever takes advantage of a woman, after all. Nothing ever comes as a real surprise in this Bollywood extravaganza — it’s beautiful but boring.

Plays at 7 p.m. Jan. 8 and 31, and Feb. 5 at Doris Duke Theatre

TRAIN MAN

The story is apocryphal but obstinately “true”: Train Man was just your ordinary geek, ensconced in Japan’s geek mecca of Akihabara, when an act of bravery nets him an unexpected encounter with the beautiful Hermes. Uncertain of what to do next, he turns to message board 2chan, and his Internet friends help him win her heart. It’s sweet, with a surprising case to make for experiencing offline life through online friendships. It’s also shallow (true love’s way is paved by snazzy haircuts and suits) and a bit difficult to swallow at times. But your heart will be warmed nevertheless when the online world celebrates Train Man’s successful first love. Plays at 11 a.m., 2:45 and 6:30 p.m. Jan. 11, and 12:45 and 6 p.m. Jan. 15 at the Movie Museum

THE WALK

Let us be clear: The “walk” in question — Philippe Petit’s famous 1974 high-wire walk between the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center — is nothing short of phenomenal. The camera work is stunning, almost too real. It’s exhilarating. Unfortunately, the movie surrounding this centerpiece is less so. Joseph Gordon-Levitt dons an exaggerated French accent to portray the manic acrobat, but he’s never charismatic enough to hold attention when he’s not on a tightrope. A cast of underdeveloped side characters also fails to entertain overly much, most relegated to one-note roles in the Greek chorus. The Walk is all (and only) about the walk. Plays at 11:30 a.m., 1:45, 4, 6:15 and 8:30 p.m. Jan. 10 at the Movie Museum