It’s going on four years that I’ve been single. I love how people like to tell me it’s because “men can’t handle me” and “men are intimidated by me,” because come on, who are we kidding? If a man wanted to be with a woman, he would. There’s not a lot that scares a man away once he’s got his eyes on the prize.
Sure, I’m a busy woman. Yes, I have a lot of energy, maybe too much. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a ying to my yang somewhere out there.
OK, I’ll just tell you guys: I am terrible at relationships.
I think what’s happening to me now in the sunset years of my 30s is karma for messing up the two most genuine, beautiful and loving relationships I ever had.
The biggest problem now is thinking about it too much.
You would think with three jobs and a charity to run that I wouldn’t have time to think about it.
The truth is, at my age, it’s the only small talk people like to make. My elaborate answers to, “How have you been lately?” always get interrupted with, “No men in the picture?” That question always leaves me staring back blankly, wanting to tell them the entire story, but either changing the subject or outright walking away instead.
The truth is, there was nothing wrong with my last relationship. My boyfriend was beautiful, sweet, caring, and he loved me. He made me laugh. He made me happy. He didn’t have to have all my attention when we were out, and most times he didn’t even have to be with me when I was out. He gave me my space. He let me be me. We had an amazing connection, but after a year, I started to feel there was a bit of a disconnect — the same thing that happened ten years prior in my only other serious relationship.
Both times I felt imaginary pangs of rejection, and as a result, I just switched off. All of the abundance of passion and love turned to nothing overnight. I tried to go through the motions of continuing to love my partner, but after a while, it started to feel more like I was being unfair to them. As irrational as it was in reality, I had fallen out of love.
You could say it’s better than being unfaithful, but a broken heart is a broken heart. Each year that Valentine’s Day comes around, I take the time to reflect on this behavior and make a commitment to myself that until I can be mature enough to handle the ups and downs of a relationship, I can face life alone.
For those of you mature enough to handle it and need help looking for the best possible gift for your loved one, try logging on to gifts.com. The site prompts you to answer a series of questions about your mate, then generates gift ideas that suites them. I recommend getting the idea, then shopping for what they suggest locally. It’s good to use just to get the idea juices flowing, which is a great first step.
Christa Wittmier is “SUPERCW” on all social media. Find her on Snapchat, Soundcloud, Twitter, Vine and Instagram. By night, she is known as DJ SuperCW. By day, she is known as senior marketing director for Young’s Market Company of Hawaii. Her nightlife blog SuperCity runs every Wednesday on HonoluluPulse.com.