Dinos Brought Back

‘JURASSIC WORLD’ TRAILER REVIEW

This film picks up two decades after the events of the original Jurassic Park. The park has somehow been salvaged and is up and running. Or, at least, it will be for a short while, before the inevitable happens and the dinosaurs start eating everyone again. Jurassic World opens in wide release June 12.

PAIGE: I liked dinosaurs as a kid. I was a very science-y child. Read a lot of books, even the original Jurassic Park, but I was never interested in these films. So I have no fond memories of the original Jurassic Park. I always wonder, after all, who the hell would approve a “theme park full of unpredictable, genetically modified dinosaurs on an island in the middle of nowhere” as a good idea. Just say it out loud. It sounds like a horrible idea. There are 7,892 ways it could go wrong. Like, it’s not that there are dinosaurs that makes this hard to buy. It’s that anyone in any place or circumstance would think making a theme park full of dinosaurs is a good idea.

JAMES: I’ve read rumors on the flick while it was still in its storyline stages. And since the final doesn’t resemble its first draft, here’s an alternate universe plot spoiler: The dinosaurs are engineered to be weaponized humanoids sent to kill the remaining dinos on Isla Nubar. Once they’ve done their jobs, they’re supposed to die off, but things go wrong. Not just in the movie, but on the drawing board. One dinosaur looked more like a vampire with T. rex arms. Or a turtle that has no shell and is walking around on hind legs. What I look like at the beach, basically. So I’m happy they stuck to genre conventions on this one.

NICOLE: I remember the first time I saw Jurassic Park I had nightmares for at least a month. The scene where the dude is on the toilet and the T. rex comes out and eats him was completely traumatizing. Thankfully Jurassic World doesn’t seem as scary, but I still don’t think I’d watch it.

CHRISTINA: I am shocked that people do not seem to have the same extreme enthusiasm for this movie that I do. When the trailer first came out several months ago, I was already ridiculously excited. Like, I really want to go to the theater dressed as a velociraptor. The only downside of this movie I can tell so far is that Jeff Goldblum is not in it. Part of my excitement is maybe just nostalgia — my sister and I watched the first Jurassic Park soooo many times.

JAIMIE: Christina, I have the same extreme enthusiasm for this as you. I haven’t seen a movie in theaters for at least a year — no joke. But I think I am going to break my dry spell for this. Like, I just watched this trailer three times.

CHRISTINA: Also, Chris Pratt is basically like King Velociraptor, so there’s that. The only thing that gives me a small amount of pause is that tweet Joss Whedon made about the gender roles being stereotypical and sexist. It didn’t strike me at first, but after I read that, I can see the point.

NICOLE: I’m just going to Google “Chris Pratt + Jurassic World” and stare at his amazingness. I’m glad he’s making “dad bods” a real thing.

JAIMIE: Admittedly, I felt like inappropriately laughing in the beginning when Chris Pratt was being all serious with those velociraptors. I am still not over him as Andy Dwyer and I was waiting for him to do something stupid and silly.

PAIGE: After watching Age of Ultron and Mad Max, this movie seems calm, even leisurely in comparison. My brain has been calibrated to find movies with anything less than 7,380 robots exploding in all directions to be calming. One T. rex-like creature slaughtering innocents by the dozens? Downright soothing.