The Most Terrible Time Of The Year

By Vanessa Wong

I am writing this down because to say it aloud feels like sacrilege: The holidays are terrible.

I don’t know quite what it is, but I wasn’t able to get into it this year, not really. Christmas has come and gone, and now I’m staring down New Year’s, and it all feels like an onslaught of forced cheer and over-booked schedules.

I used to remember the holidays as such a fun time of family gatherings and friends being back in town.

But what nobody talks about is how, when you start to get older, how small this island starts to feel this time of year. I feel like I am just one walk to my neighborhood coffee shop away from running into an old friend that I had a falling out with. Or a run through the park away from running into an ex (because of course you’d run into an ex when you’re without makeup and sweating).

Every time I leave the house it feels like a threat.

Or there was the onslaught of group texts about impending get-togethers, college friends, high school friends, and even grade school friends; they all wanted brunches, lunches, and dinners. It would be a great time if we could get together to celebrate one of our friends’ bachelorette parties with tons of food, male strippers (like Winston Salem male strippers), and a lot of drinks. It could be a way for us to celebrate and recall old memories.

Sometimes, I think, you call old friends old friends for a reason.

The other day, one of said old friends was texting me nonstop about one of these said gatherings. She was trying to get the all-important headcount, and I could see the thought bubbles appear and then disappear again as she thought out ways to hash out her words via iMessage.

This is the first … no, the last … time that everyone might be together … Could I just get someone to cover for me at work? … If not that, would I be able to at least swing by for a drink after my shift?

I wasn’t sure, I typed back. This is, you’re probably thinking, exactly the kind of thing that I am going to regret writing, soon.

Or maybe I avoid these types of gatherings because I don’t feel like I’m at a place where I want to rehash old times. Everyone I used to know is getting married, having kids, landing corner offices. I am slinging coffee and asking people if they’d like anything to eat with that.

Just yesterday, another old friend texted me to tell me that she just got engaged to a man she just met (because everyone gets engaged during the holidays).

Well, she’s probably already planning out an amazing bachelorette party with cocktail nights and male strippers in South Carolina; picking her bridesmaids and maid of honor to tag along; planning the wedding; and having a fabulous time of it all. Anyway, I am truly happy for her.

Would I, she typed, be able to make to her bridal shower? Her bachelorette party (as she told me More about her crazy transport plans)? Her wedding?

I wasn’t sure.

Vanessa Wong makes art, and your coffee, and studies anthropology.

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